torn

i thought am already 100% sure i still want another baby, may it be a girl or another boy, and was glad that jude is 100% in support of my plan since he only wanted two kids, UNTIL our camiguin trip and i saw how convenient for us to travel with just two tots--one kid held by jude and one kid carried by me.

yeah, i know it sounds shallow and selfish... but don't we all think of what's the best for our family? and for my own, we see ourselves happiest when we travel no matter how tiring or expensive it is. even inigo loves to travel and at his age, he already has his own set of dream destinations and that includes russia and brazil; while jude and i both dream that the whole family can go backpacking in nepal or bhutan. am quite sure my boys will love that idea... but, what if we have a girl?

our love for traveling is just one thing. it's the financial security we're more concerned of. jude will already turn 40 years old few more years from now and while other dads his age are already sending their kids to high school or college, we're still sending our kids to preschool and elementary. he has to work harder now if he wants to retire earlier than 60 years old as we're still sending kids to school. so imagine the financial impact if we're sending three kids instead of only two?

lastly, the mommy (that's me!) still wants to go back to the corporate world--earn her own money and enjoy the fulfillment a corporate job brings. theo is already is already two years old now... one, two... or three more years and he's not that dependent on me anymore. i can already consider applying for a job again. but what if there's another little tot clinging to me? then i'd wait another three or four more years... ah! i'd rather forget about going back to work if that's the case because definitely no company will employ a 40 year old woman who had almost a decade of hiatus from a corporate job.

but having said all the drawbacks of having a third child, i know when it's given to us we will welcome him/her with all gladness. we will surely made him/her feel that we love him/her as much as we love his/her older brothers. i'm also sure that kuya inigo and kuya theo will be doting big brothers as even now they are already praying to Papa Jesus that He gives our family another baby, a baby sister to be exact. so i think that answers my concern... i leave it to Him... que sara sara. :)

inigo's unforgettable lines

i only got to post this in facebook but i must compile them all here so here they are...


while we were praying...

mommy: please make inigo always behaved and may he always listen to mommy...
inigo: (cutting me) please give mommy a lot of patience...

he just can't promise what i was praying for... hehe.

***

while mommy was about to use the ipad...

iñigo: can i play angry birds?

mommy: no. why do you want to play angry birds? you'll not learn anything from it.
(opened fb in one window)

iñigo: mommy, do you learn anything from facebook?

silence. :D

***

inigo: mommy, can you please put the password in your ipad?

mommy: later. i'm putting theo to sleep.

inigo: oh! can you just tell me the password then i'll type it? *smirking*

mommy: no. you have to wait!

kids are smarter than we thought, eh?

****

inigo: mommy, can you sing the song of justin bieber for me... the "baby, baby"?

i sang.
 
inigo: (disappointed) mommy, can you please sing properly?

i sang again.

inigo: (frustrated) i'll just turn on the radio mommy. you don't sing well.

grrr!!!


***
inigo: (over lunch) mommy, how will the fish jump to my brain? 

mommy: huh?

inigo: 'cause you said it's a brainfood!

yeah, right!

***

inigo: mommy, money--it's a rhyme!

i am not sure if it's a compliment or an insult. lol

when they grow up...

i sometimes find myself pausing while i pray, "Lord, please help me raise my boys into good men." if God would have probably asked me to expound and explain the meaning of 'good men' i'd probably be scrambling for words because the truth is, i wasn't sure. but God knows everything, even things left unsaid, so am sure He won't ask me anymore. hehe.

the answer has nothing to do about their future professions as i leave it to them. it's more about disposition and character--things which i find non-negotiable and may God help me to turn my kids into adults who have the greatest care for themselves and to others. it's for this reason that i see a new meaning in the job which i had a love-hate relationship with. now being a stay-at-home-mom is more than seeing their milestones and taking care of them round the clock; it is the fulfilling task of molding their characters and inculcating values thru our daily activities.

so what do i really want my kids to be when they grow up? to be good. and to be good means...

• to be responsible for their actions and words. may they say "sorry" if they were tacky; keep up their promises; pay for what they have broken; clean up the mess they created; and give back what they have borrowed.

• to be kind, generous and compassionate. may they feel for other people and try at least to help if it's needed. may they always have the heart to give what is due to others may it be a tip or gentle words. may they also try to initiate a conversation with janitors, taxi drivers, etc. as it will not only help them to be grounded but because they also need to learn from them.

• to be discerning. though i know kindness and generosity are valuable virtues they must be practiced with caution as not all people they'd meet have good intentions.
  

• to be polite and courteous. they don't need to be the friendliest people but i expect them to be not rude when speaking to other people regardless of their mood. may they also practice prudence at all times. some people i know are achievers career-wise but flunk in diplomacy in their dealings and correspondences.

• to be sincere and honest. mommy hates people who are double-standard and mediocre so i hope the kids won't grow up as such. may they be compelled to say the truth because it will not only set them free but because it puts justice in place. i want them to be real and transparent when appropriate. and may they not use other people nor be friendly with them only because they need something.

• to be brave. i want them to face and withstand the crises of life because there would be many. may that courage be armed with a lot of faith in God.

• to avoid fights and tussles. but if it can't be avoided i want them to fight with courage and dignity which means they only do so because they are just protecting themselves and their principles.

• to follow the rules and the authority. i know this is hard but i realized that humility starts in toeing the line.

• to be self-driven. may they have the innate drive and passion to do their best and aim high even without my push and admonition. may they not stop learning and discovering new hobbies. may they work hard in everything they do.
  

• to be humble and always grateful. may they realized that what they have are God's gifts; hence, they have no right to show off. i want them to accept defeats, failures, and limitations. may they not see the people below them as inferiors. instead, may they think that they are fortunate they were above them and must be good stewards of what they have.

• to be faithful and loyal. may they treat women with utmost respect by being faithful to their girlfriends/wives. may they also be loyal to their friends and to their superiors by giving them what they need like time/attention, respect, or privacy.
  

• to have strong personalities--assertive and charismatic. may they pursue for what is universally right. but may their characters not be strong enough to shove people away from them by always insisting that theirs are always the right and better.

• to set priorities and have the discipline to follow it. may they also have the discipline to shun away  vices (especially drugs!) and save part of their money for rainy days. may they keep their bodies healthy by exercising and by avoiding food that is not healthy;

• to be socially and politically aware because it's how they start to become relevant to their community. i want them to have causes. i want them to vote every election;
  
  
• and more importantly... to fear and love God. may they always speak of his goodness as it's the surest way to bring non-believers to Him. may they always follow his commandments and resist temptations. may they hear mass every sunday and serve Him in whatever way they can. may they not forget to pray and thank Him because it's the best way to pay back His goodness to them.
  

that is only a rough draft of my character wishlist for my kids. definitely some will be added or changed as years go by. but am happy that i was able to make this list as i already have a guide on how to raise them. :)

on playing favorites

this article made me pause and think for a while about my kids:

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/09/26/do-all-parents-love-on-child-more/

oh, well... I don't think i need a copy of that issue of time magazine because am certain that i do not play favorites. sure at one point i favor one kid over the other... there are moments when i marvel on inigo's beautiful face (sorry, it's his mommy talking) but it's so easy also for me to adore theo because of his charm and wit.

I remember when we were still pregnant with theo and we haven't yet found out about  the sex... I was wishing for a girl, not only because we already have a boy but I was afraid that people might keep on comparing him with his older brother and he might just always pale in comparison because his kuya inigo had already won the hearts of our friends and relatives because of his good looks and smartness... and I was more afraid that jude and I are among those people. but God is indeed amazing. He made my boys different from one another but in a way that each has his enough good points that make them both special for me and jude.

so, for my two boys: please always remember that both of you are daddy and mommy's favorites and no one is better than the other because both of you are the best... we both love you very much! :)

my two boys during their daddy's birthday bash