musings on the long weekend and traveling

it's a long weekend. it should have been a great chance to travel even just out of town but we opted to stay home because aside from the stormy weather we can no longer afford another impromptu trip. the recent international travel, three family occasions/events, and unexpected expenses prompted us to dip into our savings which should not be the case as it's allotted for the downpayment for the house we're planning to get and also for the renovation which am sure is needed. i told jude as early as now that am okay with a very simple celebration for my birthday, just a lunch out with him and the boys perhaps. i'd rather give the budget to theo so he can have even a simple party on his 2nd birthday which is only a week after mine.

aside from birthdays, we are also looking forward for our camiguin trip this october, in time for our 6th wedding anniversary. but i still have to find moolah for our pocket money so we don't need to touch our savings again. i wonder if i can already touch my coin bank... :)

***

speaking of coin bank... do you still remember our trip to ilocos region almost two years ago? it was partly funded by the money we have saved in an empty 6-liter gallon of water which we converted as coin bank. i think half of the expenses were paid by coins. funny that while we're driving along NLEX i was busy counting the ten and five-peso coins as it's what used to pay for refueling and toll, and even for our food. oh how the gasoline boys and toll gate clerks loved us! :)

i hope we can still reach the ten thousand pesos-mark. it wasn't much i know but there's a different fulfillment that we get whenever we see our coin banks brimming. and yes, we're one of the hoarders of coins. hehe.

***

traveling can be costly and tiring, especially if it's with kids in tow. but it's quite addictive that's why we make sure that we go to other places at least once a year. jude and i also had dream destinations but unless we have the money to afford them OR we can take the risks in bringing the kids along, they will remain a dream.

case in point is the batanes trip which we planned early this year. i even almost booked a flight going there via sea air. but jude and i won't agree on whether we bring the kids  or not--he wanted to bring along inigo and theo but i think the boat rides are too risky for the tots. i just decided to cancel the trip. the reason that we can't bring the kids with us also holds true for a caramoan trip.

i also told jude that i want to do another trip to cordillera region (this place never fails to amaze me) like sagada or batad again while jude wanted even before to visit his family's hometown in albay in bicol region. but for all the places i mentioned it's the 12-hour drive going there which i dread about. i can already imagine the kids getting so bored and cranky, and me stressed over their behavior.

jude also dreams of greece and japan while i dream of new zealand. but we both agree that we should visit US and europe in our lifetime. okay... enough of dreaming! hehe.

a letter to papa after a year...

it was one year ago, at around 2 a.m., when i received a text mesage from mama telling me that you were in the hospital. my heart was pounding hard at that moment because i knew something was terribly wrong with you as before that day you phoned me to say that you were experiencing nausea and vomiting and was feeling weak. it was the first time you personally  called me to tell about your discomforts and from the sound of your voice you were like naglalambing... i told you to see a doctor immediately and to drink gatorade to replenish the lost fluids from your body, which i know you did. few hours after, mama texted me informing that you were already okay and was just sent home by the doctor with prescribed medicines. i was relieved. but i didn't know that later that night you started to vomit again and was weaker than you were that afternoon as you can no longer move your limbs.

i called mama as soon as i received her message and my heart pounded harder when i heard her talking frantically over the phone, "si papa mo bhe (short for baby as i am the youngest)... si papa mo...!!! doc, gawin n'yo lahat please?! babayaran namin kayo kahit magkano!" then dead signal. i was in our room at that moment and jude, who just arrived from the office, was standing beside me and was as curious as to what had happened to you. i was in total mess that time and couldn't decide what to do first. i thought of praying and i knelt to God and pleaded that He save you; called ate who was living in bicol that time to tell her the tragic news; then gathered the kids as we couldn't leave them especially theo. after ten minutes we were already heading to the hospital where you were rushed. i continued praying while inside the car as i was hoping that God would hear me. but when we were already half-way to the site of the hospital, a concerned neighbor of yours, who also assisted mama in bringing you to the hospital, broke the news thru a call that you were declared dead on arrival. it crushed my heart... in just a matter of hours, you who fathered me for almost thirty-three years is gone... and in just a snap of a finger, you who is so special to me was taken away.

you were already in the morgue when i saw you again. it was already your lifeless body which i embraced but i knew that you were just around and was listening to me. the more i felt so devastated when ate asked me that i just hugged you for her as she didn't think that she will have the chance to hug you once she arrived with her kids. if we really just could turn back the time papa, and ask one wish from God it is to have the chance to hug you before your last breath. i knew that it would be coming but i never thought it was that soon.

it was more than a year ago and i thought writing this blog which i attempted to write more than 11 months ago would be less painful. but tears are flowing from my eyes. it only shows that am still hurting over your sudden death. the regrets and what if's are still here but i must be reminded that God already called you to join him in heaven. there were a lot of nagging thoughts in my mind after your passing but time filtered it and now i had nothing but good to say...

i love you papa and i miss you so much. iñigo also misses you and you know what... he keeps on reminding me during our night prayer to mention about you to Jesus. he saw his picture with you during theo's baptism and he was happy that he had a photo with you.

i know you are already with our Creator as you ought to be. you were a good father. i would always remember the bonding moments we had when i was a kid... we'd bike around the neighborhood, you'd tutor me, you'd draw for me, you'd give me 25 cents everyday so i can buy the junkfood that i want. i know i wasn't a perfect daughter. there was a stage in my life when i thought you were so strict and i was rebelling. sorry if i'd given you heartaches and have caused you sleepless nights. everyone also thought that you were really good as even until your last breath you decided not to give us, your kids, anything to worry about. you chose not to be a burden and you even told me and jude that you are already happy and content to see your kids happy with their married life.

you were also a good husband. i never saw you lifting your hand to hurt mama. you were always forgiving and understanding. i could also not remember any weekends that you weren't around to spend it for vices. you were a family man. and together with her, you made a lot of sacrifices to send me and my siblings to good schools which i know were beyond your capacities.

and above anything else, you were a good man. you exemplified the virtues which you taught us such as honesty, humility, and diligence. the more i remember you as a man of principles. you fought for what you believed in no matter what you're going against at. and how can i forget your story of tocino? i got my big faith in God from you as i grew up hearing this story of yours as you loved to tell other people how God was so good to our family.

thank you papa for all the good memories... they were all saved in my memory bank. thank you for loving me unselfishly... i will pass this onto my kids.

and though i miss you so much i am somehow comforted by the idea that you are already settled and happy with Him. i thought right after your death that i already lost a father. but i realized that i did not, you were only flown Up to father us in a more special way.

love,
grace/marie/bhe

marriage encounter seminar

jude surprised me one day with a news that we are going to attend a marriage encounter seminar as announced in our parish. it was a good news for me and was so happy that i even made it as a stat in my facebook since the initiative was coming from jude. :) i really wanted ever since that we attend a marriage seminar as like other married couples we also have issues on our married life that i thought would be best answered with the help of a counselor who will give an unbiased, objective, even bible-based words of wisdom. let's accept it, in this modern times traditions and norms dictate how married couples should go about their married life and the basic tenets are usually ignored or forgotten. though jude and i are far from having issues which can break our marriage we both thought that it would be nice if we will get reminded of our wedding vows and responsibilities as well as husband and wife. uhm, nope, it's not a chance to be away from the kids as we brought them with us, along with our househelp. :D

so there we were in heart of jesus and mary retreat house in tagaytay last 13-14 august 2011. funny that jude and i were not in good terms when we arrived in the lecture room on the first day of the seminar--saturday--and i felt uneasy with him embracing me as it was required while we introduced ourselves to the group (we found out later on that there's a lot of hugging and kissing involved in this seminar). it was because he was dawdling earlier that morning even if he knew the call time which caused us to be late for the seminar--and being late and making a grand entrance is one of my pet peeves!

the seminar was a series of lectures that is based on the teachings of the catholic church on marriage, sharing by couple-presenters, and exchange of love letters between the husbands and wives. the love letters were related to the lecture/topic and were written at the end to give the husbands and wives the chance to express to one another their feelings, and to seek for confirmation and understanding of their thoughts on different issues. this exercise  which i believe was the core of the seminar was  made to instill to the participants the healthy and lovingly form of communication. there were nine couples who participated out of more than a hundred couples invited to attend that weekend activity. it was already after the seminar that i learned that most were non-paying and only us and the other couple who volunteered to attend paid the two thousand pesos registration fee. no regrets... we took it as a good investment and since it also covered our board and lodging, we think the money was really worth spent.

overall we were happy with the outcome of the seminar. though i found some of the activities quite cheesy (sign of old age? hehe.) like the prom night where the wives where greeted by their husbands with a red rose and were asked to dance to the music of gary valenciano and raymond lauchengco. i was also so eager for the activities to end as the kids were waiting for us in one of the rooms in the basement were they were cooped so as not to bother us during the seminar. it was already 11 p.m. when jude and i sneaked out of the prom and i almost broke to tears when i saw the kids' eyes swollen from non-stop crying. hay, i really can't still leave them even for one night... :(

the seminar was continued the next day, sunday, and a mass was also held right after it. i thought we can still tour the kids around tagaytay after lunch which i promised iñigo but the whole activity already ended at 4 p.m. with a graduation ceremony, complete with videoke fest. the kids were already sent in and my problem this time was iñigo tugging me every now and then as he was already bored and wanted to leave the venue.

jude and i were also surprised that we were chosen as the coordinators for the next marriage encounter seminar which is slated on february 2012. i really had no plans of getting active in the community (heart of jesus and mary prayer community) that organized the marriage encounter seminar as i had experiences of joining a religious community before and its activities really demanded a lot of time. but God really has plans for our family and who are we to go against Him, right?