GOD has giveth, GOD has taketh away

we learned yesterday thru an ultrasound that I AM NO LONGER PREGNANT. my recent pregnancy was anembryonic or i had a blighted ovum. take note that we refuse to say we lose the baby. but still, we are saddened with the fact that our second baby, who i will cuddle and breastfeed again and iñigo will shower with his kuya kisses, is not yet coming.

i just had a research on blighted ovum and this is what i found out:

"a blighted ovum (also known as “anembryonic pregnancy”) happens when a fertilized egg attaches itself to the uterine wall, but the embryo does not develop. cells develop to form the pregnancy sac, but not the embryo itself. a blighted ovum usually occurs within the first trimester before a woman knows she is pregnant. a high level of chromosome abnormalities usually causes a woman’s body to naturally miscarry." (american pregnancy association)

i already had a hint when my first trans-vaginal ultrasound (TVU) result came out--no embryo was seen when in fact i was already six weeks pregnant. i was able to research well on these cases during my first pregnancy; hence, i have an idea. it was only disappointing because my ob who holds clinic in asian hospital waited for another four weeks before she endorsed me for another TVU. we were already dreaming and waiting eagerly for our coming new bundle of joy within the four weeks that passed. not to mention that we have already shouted to the world that we're pregnant again. had we known earlier, the impact should have been less disheartening for us.

but jude and i have gracefully accepted this fact. we just rely on our faith that in HIS time, we will hold another baby that we can call "ours". by that time comes, we will make sure that all of us in the family are ready--me, jude, and iñigo.